Alone in the crowd
by 101spacemonkey
Summary: A small piece written to do with the Banean incident in Season 1, Tom Paris deals with it in his own way *warning - contains self-injury*


**Disclaimer:** As usual, I own nothing.

**A/N:** It's been a while since I wrote fanfiction, my muse ran off with the arrival of exams last year, and never returned, so im hoping with a few bunnys running round my head at the minute and with it being summer I should get back onto my fanfiction feet!

The mess hall suddenly became quiet when he entered. Running his hands through his head he sighed as he headed over to Neelix.

'Hey Neelix' he said, in his best attempt at sounding jovial, however Neelix was anything but jovial back.

'There, take your pick' he practically grunted.

Quickly gathering up the food, or what was supposed to be food, he glanced around to see if there was anywhere for him to sit. There were plenty of empty places, but those involved sitting beside someone; and given his current popularity ratings with the crew he wasn't sure if he could face the sudden cold silence that would ensue as soon as he sat down. Finally his eyes rested on an empty table next to a viewport and he quickly made his way over.

People had begun to talk again since he had arrived and he braved a smile for small mercies.

XXXXXXXXXX

'_Look at him, sitting there smirking. I bet he's so smug that Janeway has overlooked his discretions yet again'_

'_... a married woman, he killed her husband!'_

'_Janeway must be mad to let him walk around the ship a free man! The Baneans don't think he's innocent'_

'_She has made sure Tuvok proves him innocent regardless of the facts!'_

The comments swirled round him and could feel his chest constrict, as if someone was squeezing at his heart. Taking one last look at his now untouched food, he stood and left the mess hall heading for his quarters.

He didn't care that the Doctor had insisted he get something to eat, the Doctor didn't care for him as a person, he was a hologram for crying out loud! He was programmed to order people to do such things, it meant nothing. It pained him inside that the only person who seemed to care wasn't even a person, not really.

Entering his quarters he walked over to his bathroom and opened a drawer next to the sink. He quickly pulled out a small bag heading back into his main room he sat on the bed and opened up the bag. He pulled out the regenerator as well as some creams, bandages, and of course what he had come for, his blade and lighter.

He rolled up his sleeve, and lifted the blade to around his elbow and slowly brought it down, biting his lip as he felt the blade tug on his skin briefly before cutting through, and watched silently as slowly blood pooled on top of the wound. Lifting his lighter he flicked it on and slowly brought it up to the skin at his wrist, it stung and he bit once more into his lip and then there was nothing, it didn't hurt anymore and he flicked the lighter off and set it down. Grabbing some of the creams he had, he quickly slapped on some antiseptic cream and rubbed it in before applying some healing gel and applying a small low adhesive bandage to his wounds before rolling down his sleeve.

He grabbed his 'tools' and placed them back in his bag before returning them to his bathroom. He knew he had to return to Sick Bay soon, as Tuvok was to perform a mind meld, however now his nerves seemed to have diminished, and as he walked out into the corridor and saw the eyes of suspicion follow him he slowly squeezed his injured wrist, feeling more secure for its presence.

XXXXXXXXX

The mind meld went ok. Tuvok had promised he wouldn't poke around Toms head, however Tom was sure the Vulcan looked unnerved when he was finished, if it was possible for a Vulcan to look unnerved. What on earth had he saw?

The Vulcan mask slipped back onto to Tuvoks face before Tom had time to draw a conclusion and Tuvok took a second as if to compose himself before facing the captain and calmly stating that although what he had seen clearly showed Tom as the perpetrator, there were a few discrepancies that made it illogical for the perpetrator to be Tom. He suggested that Tom and Harry travel to the Banean home world on a shuttle, so as to prove a theory he had.

Janeway had peered for a second into Tuvoks eyes and then agreed with the idea.

XXXXXXXXX

The Numeri ships had gone after the shuttle, to everyone's surprise except for Tuvok. As he sat calmly watching the view screen he simply said to the captain, that the actions of the Numeri proved the innocence of Tom.

Once Tom and Harry were safely onboard the ship again, Janeway ordered for a course to be set to the Banean home world.

XXXXXXXXX

Tom watched as the Doctor fussed about him as he sat up on one of the bio beds. He wanted to say he was fine and to escape back to his quarters, but a part of him was reluctant to force the Doctor to hurry up, the longer he stayed in Sick Bay, the longer he was away from the crew.

'Nearly done here now' said the Doctor as he did a final scan of Tom, 'It appears that the implant has been removed successfully'

'However I am concerned about some injuries to your left arm'

Tom paled, 'what?' he croaked.

'From my scans I can tell you have an incised wound around your elbow and a small partial thickness burn to your wrist.'

'I-I...' Tom felt his heart skip a beat, 'I had an accident when I went down to find Harry one day in Engineering'

The Doctor didn't seem all that convinced and made a note to log his concerns in Tom's medical record, if the same issue arose again he would be forced to inform the Captain. However for now he simply nodded at Tom and rolled up his sleeve and redressed the wounds.

As Tom hopped off the Bio Bed Tuvok entered Sick Bay and headed over to talk to the Doctor. Tom gathered up the hypo-sprays the doctor had given him for the headaches he was assured would follow, and made his way to leave sickbay when a hand on his shoulder halted him.

Turning he saw Tuvok, 'Lieutenant Paris'

Tom simply nodded in response.

'I am always there for you if you ever need to talk, I won't judge you. I am incapable of it'

Tom quickly lowered his head, suddenly the ground seemed much more interesting, perhaps Tuvok knew? What had he seen during the mind meld?

Quickly He mumbled 'Thanks' before exiting through the doors. While Tuvok simply stared after him.

**A/N:** Please review, as reviews are love!


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